How to Be a Good Friend for ages 5 and older

Being a good friend is one of the most important superpowers a person can have. Whether you’re sharing a snack, playing at recess, or helping someone feel better on a tough day, friendship makes life way more fun.

But how do you actually be a good friend? It's not about having the coolest toys or always saying “yes.” Being a good friend means being yourself, showing kindness, knowing how to listen and having fun together.

It was a big transition when my daughter went from a small TK classroom to Kindergarten (with multiple classes). My daughter was overwhelmed with the increased number of kids that she struggled to make friends. To help her out we repeated this phrase a lot: “To have friends you have to be a friend.” These are some of the things we encouraged her to do and it really helped!

Here are some simple (and powerful!) ways to grow your friendship skills:

1.  Take Action

This was the biggest one for us: initiating. Join in on a game. Ask others to do something with you (go down the slide, play with sidewalk chalk…). Ask others to play with you.

It’s helpful to think about what other kids do that you like that make you feel like you are their friend.

2. Use Kind Words

A kind word can make someone’s whole day better. Compliments, encouragement, and silly jokes (that aren’t mean!) go a long way.

Try this: “I love how fast you built that LEGO tower!” or “That was so fun, I’m glad we played together.”

2.  Listen

A good friend listens, even when it’s not about them. When you listen you get to know all about what makes that person unique.

Try this: When your friend is talking, looking at them, nod, or ask questions so they know you are interested in what they are saying.

3.  Include Everyone

Being a good friend means being welcoming, even to kids who are shy, new, or different. Would you want your friends to be exactly like you? That would get boring really fast! You never know who might become your new best buddy.

Tip: If you see someone sitting alone (or at the buddy bench), invite them to play! It takes just one friendly gesture to change someone’s day.

4.  Be There When It’s Hard

Friends don’t disappear when things get tough. Whether your friend is sad, scared, or mad, they need to know you’ve got their back.

Try this: “It’s okay to feel that way. Want to sit together?”
Sometimes just sitting beside someone is the best gift.

5.  Say Sorry When You Need To

Nobody’s perfect! Even the best of friends make mistakes. Good friends can make bad choices at times. What matters is being honest, saying sorry, and trying again.

Tip: A real apology includes 3 things: “I’m sorry,” “I understand,” and “Next time, I will…”

6.  Celebrate the Good Stuff

A good friend cheers you on when you do something awesome, even if they didn’t win or get picked.

“Whoa! You climbed all the way up! That’s amazing!”
Friendship isn’t about winning,  it’s about growing together.

7. Be Yourself

The best kind of friend is you, just as you are. No pretending needed. Real friendship happens when people are their true, silly, kind, curious selves.

Reminder: If someone doesn’t like you for being you… they might not be a great friend (and that’s okay!).

Questions to Ask Your Kids:

• What do you look for in a good friend?

• How do you know when someone’s being a good friend to you?

• What’s something you can do this week that shows you are a friend to others?

Friendships are wonderful and they don’t all look the same because everyone is different. If you haven’t checked out our Sleepover Friends, they are great to play with your friends on playdates and sleepovers!